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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

If You Don't Hear From Me After This ... I Probably Went Buckwild Mental...

Here is something you can’t understand ... How I Could just KILL a Fam:

This music is BANGING! I mean BANGIN’ and shaking the freakin' walls, yo! And as I write this, it is 2:34AM! I came home from work at 1:30. The music was THUMPIN then. I’m beyond bone-tired. At this point, it's more like tired as a broke-down Mississippi field slave, under an oppressive August heatwave. As of this summer, I’ve had to work TWO gigs in order to make ends meet. Yes, it’s rough, but thus far, I’m hangin tuff and haven’t gone postal on a mofo yet!

But the night/day is still young.

The music is BANGIN’!!! Why the HELL is that MUSIC BANGIN like this???

Ummm... Here is something you can’t understand... how I could just KILL a fam!

So, I’m stuck here, WIDE awake, and it’s not from a case of insomnia. No. These rude-ass, egregiously inconsiderate African people who moved in a few weeks ago have a teenaged son who insists upon BLASTING his freaking MUSIC at all hours of the night… And I don’t mean just LOUD, I mean BAZOOKA BANGIN’… with this incessant THUMPIN', BUMPIN', PUMPIN', THROBBIN' BASSLINE until objects in my apartment literally VIBRATE! I mean... WTF!!!!???? Why don’t they just tell him to STOP this madness?!? Why don’t they advise him to respect the sancity of this building!? Why the HELL am I writing this ish, when I should be sleeping?

Here is something you can’t understand… how I could just KILL a FAM!

It’s late Monday night/early Tuesday morning!

And to borrow a line from the Talking Heads: “This ain’t no party! This ain’t no disco! This ain’t no fooling around!”

But apparently, his parents didn't GET that memo! They don’t say shit, don't do jack… as if it’s his world and the rest of us are just crazed, sweaty victims to his non-stop turntablism! It has pissed me off to the point where I’ve BANGED on my ceiling (several times!!!!). But my banging does nothing but get lost inside this BANGIN' beat that he’s been rocking on steady rotation!

Here is something you can’t understand... how I could just KILL a FAM!

Now, anyone who knows me, or who even visits this page would know that I LOVE music. Often it’s music alone that’s been my salvation. So, I’m not hating on it. Even though I’m not a mad hip-hop fan, I can nod my nappy head to it, when it’s played at a DECENT level. Hasn't he ever heard of HEADPHONES? Couldn't they chip in and get him a fuckin iPod or something? There are OPTIONS for people who like to play their music LOUDLY! But, without any consideration for the rest of us, this kid just ups the damn VOLUME until it gives new meaning to DISTURBING the PEACE! And still his freaking parents allow this shit to go on & on... well until the break of dawn!

Here is something you can’t understand.. how I could just KILL a FAM!

History verifies that I’ve had absolutely NO LUCK when it comes to neighbors. I’ve lived in this building (a three-family dwelling) for five years. I'm on the first floor, and a very cool, respectful neighbor; a single Jewish gentleman occupies the third floor. It's the SECOND floor that's had a revolving door of oddballs, rebels and miscreants. Each year, someone new moves in, and each tenant has brought their own set of issues, craziness and unlawful activities that's made living beneath them, a living HELL!

First, there was the young, the restless and somewhat freakish couple who frequently engaged in mad aggressive passionate damn-near bed-breaking sex, just above MY head. My walls are very thin. So whether or not I want to, I HEAR EVERYTHING. Luckily, for me at least, the hubby was one of those 3 minute brothas. But what seriously intense and unhinged three-minute-sessions they would be! They had kids too. Keeids would be more like it. Three lil snot-nosed straight-up bratlings who they would allow to run back and forth and scream at the top of their lungs, using their OUTSIDE voices. The kids, the sex, the running, the screams, that terrible combo platter made the quality of life pretty damned difficult for me. Apparently, some people never quite bought into the notion nor the concept of HOME TRAINING!

Here is something you can’t understand... how I could just KILL a fam!

Then came this mother and daughter team who were straight-up ghetto, in the EXtreme, and had no couth whatsoever. Beyond merely scatological, the cussing was so crazy it would've made the late, great Richard Pryor blush and say Dammmmmn, yo! What The Motherfuck? The daughter had one of those rambunctious young’ns who'd fall, a lot, BAM(!), BOOM(!) and CRIED incessantly throughout the night. Like many New Yorkers, we kept our distance, rarely spoke or made much eye contact, but the one time we did, I WAS GRILLED by the mother who, instead of inquiring who I was, went into badass cop-mode, asking what the HELL I WAS DOING on "HER" front porch, because she didn’t “KNOW” me. I politely told this heifer I was her downstairs neighbor, and I’d been living there since BEFORE she (and her gruesome twosome) had ever moved in. I was just quiet and unassuming and didn’t make a habit of being LOUD with my shit! Then, as fate, and a lack of decent birth control would have it, the daughter turned up preg-nasty AGAIN, and I just KNEW that I could not and would not deal with yet another crying baby OVER MY HEAD! Thankfully, (yes, THANKFULLY!) the landlord raised our rent, which was apparently too steep for them, so they decided to leave BEFORE the birth of a new and raging rugrat.

Ahhhhh, peace and quiet at last... or so I THOUGHT!

But NEXT came the invasion of this oddball mother and son dual, who were Italian and very, very shady types. They never worked, hardly ever left the house, and yet they were constantly running their damn washing machine, at all hours! Of course this was right over MY head. They also had a very large dog, which wasn’t supposed to be allowed, and I never once saw them WALKING said dog, so the hallway smelled fluently of mangy bow-wow. Night and day, that damn dog barked... Night and day that damned machine kept agitating me, and I could never figure out WHY they washed clothes so damned often when they virtually NEVER went out of the house! The only time I recall anyone leaving the place was when the young son ran down the stairs in a fury, cursing in a high-pitched voice and screaming: “I FUCKIN' HATE YOU!” then calling his mother the c-word before slamming the front door! Oh my! I was shocked, appalled actually... but I kept my door locked and minded my own business. Turned out that these two were also grifters, con artists who had several expensive cars, including a brand new Lexus, always parked outside, but none of those shorts were ever driven, and yet, for all their fancy high-priced whips, they still couldn’t manage to PAY their damn rent. They were straight-up gangsta with their attitude and the sheer bombasity of their shit. Then, they just refused to leave once the lease expired, so an ‘official’ arrived to order their now squatting asses out… and they were eventually evicted from the premises. Much drama ensued.

Here is something you can’t understand… how I could just KILL a FAM!

After Ma Barker and son vacated, they were soon followed by a whole mess of Mexicans (to this day I have NO idea just how many actually LIVED above me) who were always NOISY as hell and always hyper-active: Selena's music played constantly, far too many people had keys to the front door, strangers were always in and out of the crib at all hours, and there always seemed to be a party, a freakin' fiesta going on (say it with me) OVER MY DAMN HEAD! The rude awakening came when someone knocked on my back door. I opened it to find a uniformed officer standing there. In all my life, I'd NEVER had a cop knock on my door before. But there he was, asking me questions about these mysterious (and plentiful) upstairs people. I knew nothing. He told me that a “kidnapped 15 year old girl” was reportedly there, against her will. WTF? Beats me. I’d long lost count of how many mofos rolled in and out of that place. I allowed the cop to walk through my apartment, through the hall, and up the stairs to their place, since they'd refused to answer the doorbell (but people with something to hide... rarely answer their doors, do they?). Long story short, the following day, they moved out en masse.

Here is something you can't understand... how I could just KILL a FAM!

This bring us to the bitter PRESENT: I now have these African neighbors, who SCREAM in a language I can't dechiper, who have a teenage-LOUD-ass-music-playing-son, and who don’t have a clue of how to raise a respectful, responsible child. These are the latest invaders of my domicile, and there is NO PEACE to be had! I'm about at my breaking point now. With no sleep, this maddening heat, and the apathy of these people who just don't give a damn about my comfort or state of mind... seems like the perfect storm that could just possibly make something inside me SNAP! KABOOM!

So if by chance you don't see any more entries from me, or I cease to visit your page... it's quite possible that I lost it, took my rage on a killing spree with a blood-curdling scream on my lips, and commenced to go straight-up Son of Sam on some mofos! All because, at 4:15AM, I blew a gasket, went mad as hell, and I just couldn't TAKE it any more. Aiight?

Here is something you can't understand... how I could just KILL a FAM!




Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

...and I thought my neighbors were bad--drunk Irish middle aged sow on one side with harlotish daughters. And elderly Danish woman on the other side that is a hoarder with 3 smelly dogs...I bet you wish you could 'Peace Out'...

Jason said...

Fam-o! This was so well written I got pissed off reading!

I've had similar experiences living in Brooklyn. Noisy neighbors piss you off because of their lack of common courtesy and thier frustrating aversion to peace and quiet(The chick that played Trick Daddy's "Nan Nigga" for six straight hours comes to mind.)

I feel you bredren, maintain.


Val said...

This is why I decided a while ago that I wouldn't ever live in an apartment again. I live in a cottage now.

It sounds like it's time for you to move, Lin. Your health is at stake. These neighbors are taking your piece of mind at the one place that you are supposed to have some piece of mind, home.

And if for some reason you can't move right now then I would suggest trying you being proactive. That is; when the apartment above you is vacated maybe you should help in the search for the next tenants. That way maybe you can find some decent people for the place and save yourself a lot of aggravation.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Life in the City it doesn't get any more real!

Moanerplicity said...

@Val: Currently, I pay a pretty high rent, so I could prolly find somewhere cheaper, however where I'm situated now happens to be a nice QUIET section of the city, unlike my prior residence. I like the neighborhood. It's the people in MY building I've a problem with! But I like the idea of having some say so w/ the landlord in WHO gets to live above me in the future. I'ma try that. Thanks.


Mizrepresent said...

lol, and yes i know it's not funny, but dayum, talking about having bad neighbors. It's a wonder you have lasted this long. Hugz, hope you finally got some rest...hey you can't make one of those "disturbing the peace" phone calls? Anyways, man, this sounds like a bad sitcom. Hope it doesn't last long.

Felicia Monique said...

I'll leave all the sympathetic comments for everyone else, because this tale was straight comedy for me. You had me LMAO through most of it--especially with my new favorite word, "preg-nasty." Oh yes, I'm using that! And the Ma Barker comment was just as hilarious!

On a serious note: You ain't hurting nobody, so see ya' around, Mr. Lin. *bigcheesygrin*

Chet said...

My brotha, I feel your dismay. I too have resided in apartment buildings/highrises for past few years and I can relate to all the shyte you're going through with neighbors flagrant disregard for others residing in the dwelling.

The landlord certainly must be money hungry because he/she seems to approve any tenant's application. I know that people fabricate their applications and give the landlord the impression that they're good people, so very often without an eviction on their credit report the landlord approves the lease.

I understand that you like the neighborhood, but brotha you can't subject yourself to sleepless nights because the African's son keeps irregular hours and plays loud music. The parents must be deaf because no parent would allow such behavior especially during the wee hours of the night.

I agree with an earlier comment where the young lady suggest you be proactive and be part of the screening process of screening the next tenants, after all you have been there longer than anyone else, and you deserve some peace and quiet when you come home from work.

No going off on anyone, keep your cool!

Daij said...


Anonymous said...

Don't do it boo!! ;-)

The African young son reminds me of my son! That fool (yeah i said it) blew two sets of my speakers when he was a teen! My good Klipsch speakers too! I couldn't do nothin with him. Couldn't talk to him, couldn't warn him, couldn't threaten him about my speakers. That fool was 3X crazy as E-40 and more snoop doggier than dr. dre! And when the south blew up? I knew my speakers would too!
But I'm feeling you, boo!

What we have here is a calm black man, a calm white man and the crazy rest of the world between them!!
Mad funny!

But this quote takes the prize:
"Thankfully, the landlord raised our rent"
These words have NEVER been spoken before and won't be again!!!

Brother Lin, you a trip and a half!
Much love.
Your westsiiide sister

CareyCarey said...

Well Moan, what can I say. Well, I can say you took me on a journey. You should be a television script writer. But damn, that wasn't fiction, that's your life.

Damn, I thought white drunks on loud murder cycles were bad. Yep, I have a couple of them on my block. But they pass-out about midnight. But the dog dookie would have been too much for me. Not to mention the barking. I had a neighbor with a barking dog. Well (excuse me pet lovers) I would wait for the neighbor to leave their home. then I'd train their dog. Yep, got me a BB gun and a sack of fire crackers. Okay, when he started barking, I'd yell STOP! Then I'd throw a fire cracker while I shot him with a BB. Terrible I know, but man, that dog was killing me. Well, after about a week, all I had to do was yell stop and his ass went quiet. I know I know, but this was survival of the fittest.

But see, you're an easy going brotha and a better man than me, cuz, I love my sleep and you had enough patience to write this long post, in your time of trouble.

And, you don't even want to know what I did to a house down my street. Yep, it was a magnet for madness. So, I had to do my thang.

Good post.


"(to this day I have NO idea just how many actually LIVED above me) "


This post was so f*ckin funny!!! Talk about neighbors from hell. WOW

Love your blog!

RachelW said...

It sounds just awful, but I had to smile-- you write so well, so very eloquently about it, painting a beautiful rhythmic picture when most of us would have just headed over there and banged the door down.

Chet said...

Okay, it has been a minute and we haven't heard from you since the Bantu Boy played his tribal music or hip hop all hours of the night. Let us know that you didn't go off and that you are okay.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Brother from the Eastsiide, where you at?

I think he went on and did it!!

Jason said...

You haven't posted anything in about two weeks and I keep thinking about the title of this post. I hope you are on vacation on an Island or something and I don't mean Rikers.


Mizrepresent said...

Hadn't heard from you i awhile Lin, hope things are okay. Signal if you need bail money. We miss you!

Anonymous said...

LOL,It's funny the way you wrote it, but I do feel for you cuz' I been there. I hope you got some sleep, sleep deprivation can make anyone go wacky:)

Can you talk to the landlord about it, or switch to that apartment when it empty's, that way you'll be under the quiet gentleman. or better yet find a more quiet place.
Wow, some neighbors can be really obnoxious....there's also the police, aren't there laws that prohibit this?\

Good luck!

Everlearning said...

I hope you're getting some sleep from working so much and not plotting to take out that wild African teenager above your head! Much love!

Ward Prefect said...

Dude, that's pretty deep. I haven't had really bad neighbors but it sounds like it's time for you to scram before you hurt someone, lol!