Monday, July 30, 2012
So the other day I was standing in a checkout line at a local grocery store, right? It was a late Saturday summer afternoon. Ordinarily, I try to avoid shopping on Saturday afternoons because the crowds are typically massive, intense, and the best articles tend to be well picked over. But the meteorologists were predicting, forecasting and then straight out WARNING of vicious storms ahead, so I rushed in to pick up a few essentials. It doesn’t really matter what time you venture into a store in New York, because day or night, night or day, it’s bound to be over-crowded and thick with the populace of pushing, shoving, swarming humanity. This day was no exception.
So I get the few things on my list (plus a couple of extra impulse items) and as I approached the registers, I noticed rather long lines at each. Clearly, I’ve no control over these situations and so after sighing my silent sigh, I shrugged and stepped into the back of the nearest line.
It’s rare that I actually pay any attention to people in stores. I seem to go into tunnel-vision mode. The writer in me prefers to casually check out those who are walking, running, or idling outside on the streets, in the subways, on the fire escapes, etc. However there were fits of wild, lewd animation, and damn-near LIVE SEX ACTS going on in Pathmark, and my eyes couldn't help but to detect this madness. Just ahead, about three customers in front of me was this couple. This man and a woman, in their early 30s, were getting extremely touchy-feely right there in line.
Mind you, generally speaking, I don’t have any problem at all with Public Displays of Affection. In fact, PDA…
when not based essentially upon lust…
they present a testament that love still exists in the world…
and love, no matter in what form…
is a beautiful thing.
In fact, speaking personally, I see absolutely nothing wrong with holding hands…
or a kiss on the cheek... or planting a gentle, if momentary, peck on the lips…
but that’s the extent of it.
Anything else would be tres uncivilized.
In other words, unlike Arruh Kelly, I DO See Plenty Wrong With A Little PUBLIC Bump And Grind!
So, there I am, trying to avert my eyes, yet noticing how this couple, completely oblivious to the rest of us, are acting as if they were all alone, in the privacy of their bedroom. They keep going at it, no holds barred, and it really becomes a bit TOO much. I mean, the dude, who at first had his hand ON her butt, has now sent his hand down her shorts, and he is palming, grabbing, squeezing her entire ass! A seasoned multi-tasker, he’s also whispering in her left ear, while simultaneously fluttering his long Gene Simmons-like tongue in it. She then kisses him, her wild tongue darting with such strong and reckless abandon that a part of me became embarrassed for them. I mean damn! I just don’t get it. These were NOT heat-driven teenagers hopped up on hormones and tripping on Ecstasy. This couple was certainly old enough to know better.
My fear was this Public Display of Affection would soon turn into a PDE (Public Display of Erection), and that he’d whip it out and start DOING her, right there, smack-dab-in-the-middle of Pathmark!!!
This was NOT kosher! This was madness! Madness, I say! But there was nothing else going on to garner my attention. I guess I could’ve played with my Smart Phone, but I don’t currently own one. However, instead of staring them down, I decided to ponder the reason behind such exhibitionistic behavior.
Are they trying to make a statement about their status?
Not necessary! People can already tell that they were both together. No one was questioning the legitimacy of their relationship. BUT WHY must we all be subjected to the intimacies of it? What’s the point exactly?
What are they trying so hard to prove?
And if two people really wanted/needed to have sex so desperately, couldn’t they have taken care of those desires BEFORE they ventured out in public?
Or, if the urge struck suddenly, as it sometimes does, couldn’t you have waited until you were someplace a tad, tidbit, a li’l more… ummm… private?
Clearly the dude was the more obvious aggressor, and his mate was merely following his lead. As they were practically eating and swallowing each other alive, they didn’t even notice a gap in the line, or that they were supposed to step ahead and keep things moving. And still they kept at it, with hands and tongues all over each other.
I gathered it had been a while in between sessions. Isn’t it romantic? Wasn't that isht some mad-sweet gooey gushy stuff?
No. Not really. Not so much.
I wondered, was he just back home from a Tour of Duty? No. Considering the long length of his hair, that was not bloody likely.
I wondered some more: Has discretion gone completely to the dogs?
Actually, that was what they reminded me of two rowdy, horny, mangy bow-wows going crazy with heat in the grass. Only this was a public establishment. Little kids young enough to cling to their mother’s hand could even SEE them!
Where was their sense of decency and decorum?
It clearly didn’t exist. The two of them seemed to lack basic home-training, and had failed miserably at Sexual Etiquette, 101.
Finally, I wondered: where was that damned fire hose when I needed one?
Anyway… that entire putrid display inspired to me visit the concept of PDA.
Are you pro or con... and just where do you draw the line?
Meanwhile, I’m still pondering…