Friday, September 30, 2011
Lately I have been thinking about the reality of dying. Not that I’m actively embracing it, or wrapping it around me like a cape full of heavenly stars and constellations, so please, don’t get it twisted. No, my thoughts are more centered upon the intensity of the journey and then soul-searching my way through it. So many people I’ve known and loved and expected to be around for the long haul have already departed this life. It makes me very, very reflective. Why am I still here? Why, when some of them never lived to see age 30, or 40?
I’ve always been accused of being a ‘deep thinker' so this is probably just an extension of my own curious nature… But I wonder about things and about people and this deeply finite life we’re all living.
I wonder about those who are so obviously living it too fast, too frivolously or too foul as if they’ve already made up their minds that this, this right HERE is it. This is all there is to life and there is and will be NO afterlife, no place of consequence or judgment for the way they’ve conducted themselves while here. I think of all the hurt, the madness, the destruction and broken hearts left in their wake, and I almost feel sorry for them-- those spirit-breakers. I’ve the strangest feeling that, like Stevie sang at Michael Jackson’s funeral:
“They Won’t Go Where I Go.”
Oh. And speaking of music… another thing… and this is kinda crazy so it must be symbolic of something: Lately, for no good reason, I will flashback on a song that I haven’t heard or sang or even thought about since I was a kid and that song will haunt me slowly for hours.
Mental exercise here: Think back to a song you learned in school, or first heard as a kid. Listen to it, right now, in your mind. When you HEAR it, is it still in that kid’s voice... that high-pitched, gender-free noise of your youth? I wonder what’s up with that?
Maybe it’s the sound of our own lives being reviewed, being refreshed, being rehashed, being reflected upon. And that always MEANS something.
These days I’m feeling kinda Blessed because I realize I didn’t have to still be here, still writing, still fighting, still loving in this mad way I tend to love. It’s all a Gift.
Life is a GIFT people. Please don’t be in such a hurry to trade yours in for something better. Don’t waste your time whining and bitching about it when it doesn’t quite fit you the way you think it should. It’s still a GIFT, damn it! So be grateful and gracious about it, or you just might mess around and piss God off!
*A tear falls to my lap.*
Damn! What a wimp! I didn’t even see or feel that one coming.
But much like life, I’m sure it must mean something.
Snatch JOY, y'all!