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Friday, September 30, 2011

Reflections On Life (Or Me "Just Vampin' To Be Handsome")

Lately I have been thinking about the reality of dying. Not that I’m actively embracing it, or wrapping it around me like a cape full of heavenly stars and constellations, so please, don’t get it twisted. No, my thoughts are more centered upon the intensity of the journey and then soul-searching my way through it. So many people I’ve known and loved and expected to be around for the long haul have already departed this life. It makes me very, very reflective. Why am I still here? Why, when some of them never lived to see age 30, or 40?

I’ve always been accused of being a ‘deep thinker' so this is probably just an extension of my own curious nature… But I wonder about things and about people and this deeply finite life we’re all living.

I wonder about those who are so obviously living it too fast, too frivolously or too foul as if they’ve already made up their minds that this, this right HERE is it. This is all there is to life and there is and will be NO afterlife, no place of consequence or judgment for the way they’ve conducted themselves while here. I think of all the hurt, the madness, the destruction and broken hearts left in their wake, and I almost feel sorry for them-- those spirit-breakers. I’ve the strangest feeling that, like Stevie sang at Michael Jackson’s funeral:

They Won’t Go Where I Go.”

Oh. And speaking of music… another thing… and this is kinda crazy so it must be symbolic of something: Lately, for no good reason, I will flashback on a song that I haven’t heard or sang or even thought about since I was a kid and that song will haunt me slowly for hours.

Mental exercise here: Think back to a song you learned in school, or first heard as a kid. Listen to it, right now, in your mind. When you HEAR it, is it still in that kid’s voice... that high-pitched, gender-free noise of your youth? I wonder what’s up with that?

Maybe it’s the sound of our own lives being reviewed, being refreshed, being rehashed, being reflected upon. And that always MEANS something.

These days I’m feeling kinda Blessed because I realize I didn’t have to still be here, still writing, still fighting, still loving in this mad way I tend to love. It’s all a Gift.

Life is a GIFT people. Please don’t be in such a hurry to trade yours in for something better. Don’t waste your time whining and bitching about it when it doesn’t quite fit you the way you think it should. It’s still a GIFT, damn it! So be grateful and gracious about it, or you just might mess around and piss God off!

*A tear falls to my lap.*

Damn! What a wimp! I didn’t even see or feel that one coming.

But much like life, I’m sure it must mean something.


Snatch JOY, y'all!




Teri and the cats of Curlz and Swirlz said...

Me, too, lately. Heavy and then light. That's how it affects me, thinking that I'm almost 60, glad that I'm not twenty, wondering if I'll be 80 and like life then...

And talking about songs, while on your blog now, Feel My Love played and I remember Dylan's version and then Bryan Ferry's (my favorite) but like life, there are versions for every mood and I am glad I heard Adele's version just now...

Jason said...

This post is exactly why us that have been charmed by your spell need you to not stay away for as long as you have.

Personally speaking, I miss the way you make words dance on the page, your Yoda like wisdom and your reflections and introspection.

Wonderful write as usual brotha pen. I'll try to maintain this high until you return again to give us another hit.



Mizrepresent said...

This was so soothing and reflective and just made me feel so dayum good! Words, great, meaningful phrases are much like songs to me and i needed thanks again my friend. You have been truly missed! Keep snatching JOY!

-For some odd reason i've been singing in my head "Bring the Boys Home" by Freda Payne (feel good music)

Lovebabz said...

I've missed you. ((HUGS))

Post more.

Anna Renee said...

I love the way you snatch joy, my brother!
Right now,I'm thinking of my favorite jamaican griots, Israel Vibration who just {{{vibrate}}} with LOVE.

Oh, It's a love cipher! Pass it on.

WynnSong said... is a gift and special friends we find along the way are such a Treasure. And Jason is right, I miss your Beautiful Way With Words my Friend. It's good seeing your incredible talent blessing us again.

QH said...

Sometimes that gift can kick you in the teeth, but I follow what you're saying. It is something I've managed to apply to my existence of late, so it is nice to see others saying the same. Hope all is well.-Quentin

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Reflections are like a road map for me!

Sunny said...

Yes this is mos def deep.

I love my life and I hope I'm blessed enough to see my daughter grow old.

This was mos def a great read!!!

Chet said...

Reflections on my my life occurs on a daily basis as I grower older and after reading this piece only assures me that we are all truly blessed. I've learned to snatch joy. Pleased to have you back in our lives.

Shar said...

wow.... havent been here in years...

well, I have only thought of the process of dying and just thought of my what will happen to them. Besides that...Im not scared really because now I really wouldnt mine being with my dad. how have you been?

commentarybyvalentina said...

Hi Lin!

Some songs take me back to weird places in my life. So much so that I find it difficult to even listen to then until I come to terms with that time in my life. Music is powerful.