I do not mean in some desperate, aggressively sociopathic-serial-killer way that people should hurriedly cross the street whenever they see you approaching…
No. I mean have you ever felt so relentlessly unusual and so blatantly different… that no one else, not another soul ever truly GETS The Real You?
I do. I feel that way most of the time. In fact, I’ve felt that way since time was a child.
It’s this quiet sense of deep inner stillness and it reminds me that no matter where I am, or who I’m with... I am always ALONE.
Although there are and have been instances where that lone voice of my freakiness didn’t always hurt or bleed or scream so loudly and I was/am or have been able to blend in with the prosaic rest. However, it was such a part-time phenom that it felt like an almost bogus existence.
Have you ever thought that if someone else, anyone else at all truly KNEW you, your card hand would be peeped, the jig would be up… and you would have to forever relinquish each and every one of your Cool Creds?
I do. In fact, any Cool Creds I've collected or amassed would have to be erroneous at best.
I am only me: a freak just beneath my skin.
I don’t think or feel there is anything remotely wrong with this condition---at least not anymore. We can chalk that up to The Riddle of Humanity, the march of maturity and the rules of human evolution.
We are EXACTLY who we're supposed to be.
And what we are supposed to be is different, unique… singular. That is the way God meant for each of us to be.
So this state of disconnectedness, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, a wicked thing or a source for hidden shame.
But damn it, sometimes it gets sooooooooooooooooooo freakin’ LONELY.