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Monday, August 19, 2013

DISCONNECTEDNESS


Have you ever felt completely and utterly disconnected from the rest of the world?

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I do not mean in some desperate, aggressively sociopathic-serial-killer way that people should hurriedly cross the street whenever they see you approaching…

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No. I mean have you ever felt so relentlessly unusual and so blatantly different… that no one else, not another soul ever truly GETS The Real You?

I do. I feel that way most of the time. In fact, I’ve felt that way since time was a child.

It’s this quiet sense of deep inner stillness and it reminds me that no matter where I am, or who I’m with... I am always ALONE.

Freak!

Although there are and have been instances where that lone voice of my freakiness didn’t always hurt or bleed or scream so loudly and I was/am or have been able to blend in with the prosaic rest. However, it was such a part-time phenom that it felt like an almost bogus existence.

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Freak!

Have you ever thought that if someone else, anyone else at all truly KNEW you, your card hand would be peeped, the jig would be up… and you would have to forever relinquish each and every one of your Cool Creds?

I do. In fact, any Cool Creds I've collected or amassed would have to be erroneous at best.

I am only me: a freak just beneath my skin.

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I don’t think or feel there is anything remotely wrong with this condition---at least not anymore. We can chalk that up to The Riddle of Humanity, the march of maturity and the rules of human evolution.

We are EXACTLY who we're supposed to be.

And what we are supposed to be is different, unique… singular. That is the way God meant for each of us to be.

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So this state of disconnectedness, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, a wicked thing or a source for hidden shame.

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FREAK!

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But damn it, sometimes it gets sooooooooooooooooooo freakin’ LONELY.

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Smell me?

One.

17 comments:

WynnSong said...

I've felt the same way most of my life as well. I think it is a human thing and probably most of us feel this way. That being said, it doesn't make it any easier.

If we could see ourselves the way others do, or as the expression goes, see me as my dog does, we might be a lot happier. We wouldn't see all the sadness or ugliness that fills our mind at times, as well as the loneliness.

Just remember, You Are Loved.......

Val said...

Oh yes, I have and do feel this way. You've put into words exactly how I've felt during many periods of my life. Sigh.

Fortunately though, there have been times when the inner me has been able to make connections with others. And, that gives me hope.

iama[GAY]keeper said...

yeah I feel that time to time

Moanerplicity said...

@ Wynn:

It's sort of comforting to know one is never alone in whatever feelings/sensations/thoughts one might have. It's what connects us all as human beings... as we are the sum of our strengths/weaknesses /joys/fears; our foibles & our finest hours.


And thanks, my friend.
Ditto.

One Love.

Moanerplicity said...

@ Val:

How lucky & Blessed to feel that righteously intimate connection with another soul. That, my friend, is the sun & the moon & all the stars inside of the human constellation.


One.

Moanerplicity said...

@ Gayte-Keeper:

On some level, I think most everyone can relate.


One.

jae october said...

"No. I mean have you ever felt so relentlessly unusual and so blatantly different… that no one else, not another soul ever truly GETS The Real You?" Everyday my dude. What's dope about this post is that I know that I am not alone. Pens up bruh!

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

"No. I mean have you ever felt so relentlessly unusual and so blatantly different… that no one else, not another soul ever truly GETS The Real You?"
"I do. I feel that way most of the time. In fact, I’ve felt that way since time was a child."

~ That was my life story up until about 4 years ago. I used to think that I was adopted. The family that God gifted me with did not fit with "who I was." Sounds strange but oh so true.

And then you hit the nail of the head...

"And we are supposed to be different, unique… singular. That is the way God meant for each of us to be."

ALONE...NEVER! The Almighty creator has gifted us for relationships....

Near or far, we are family! Bloggers for life my friend :-)

Love, peace and a ginormous hug from North Beach, Md.

AWESOME POST!

Moanerplicity said...

@ Jae:

Freakdom has its own bennies once you learn to cope & then to appreciate them.

Please trust & believe, you are NEVER alone, Brotha Pen.

Onee.

Moanerplicity said...

@ FSB:

Yes, my Sista. Methinks that feeling of being 'adopted' must be a prevalent one for many of us in our kidhood through adolescence. That's usually when our IFQ (Inner Freakdom Quotient) is off the scales. *smiles*

Life and Spirituality present us with such valuable lessons in embracing our uniqueness as well as our true purpose in this journey.

Alone is okay. I can do alone pretty effortlessly.

But as Seal spoke of in one of his earlier songs:

"It's Loneliness That's The Killer."


Thanks for the compliment on this entry.

:-)


SJ!

One.

Sunny said...

Hi, :) Yes I have felt this way at different times in my life, most recently since last month. Excellant post, and I truly do 'get' this. Sunny

Moanerplicity said...

@ Sunny:


Maybe that feeling doesn't ever go away completely... & just maybe that form of insecurity keeps us all humble.

*ponders*

One.

Alieux (Daij) said...

That peierced tatted guy-isn't he here in Portland?

Moanerplicity said...

@Daij:

No clue. Dude appeared in a Google image search under "Freaks."

One.

Babz Rawls Ivy said...

I've felt the pain of loneliness... but not freakishly so.

Quite thought provoking.

Moanerplicity said...

@ Babs:

C'mon LB. As you so bold & proudly proclaim, you're 50 now. Time to embrace your inner freakdom!

*smiles*


One.

D-Place said...

what you trying to do to me..lol