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Monday, May 30, 2011

A Page of Life From The Really Real!

Hello my friends, readers, people, fam and and lurkers.

This is more a notice than a blog entry. You see, I have been away because of my health. I have literally been at Death's Door for much of this year... (no jest) and for most for this year I was not even aware of it.

Congestive Heart Failure Ain't No Joke!

May 18th is now the day I think of myself as running away from home. I ran from feeble excuses, from confusions, from ignorance and from pat answers. I ran from fear, ran from the sound my own frightened heartbeat, ran from my own fearful voices and straight into the arms of the good doctors at Greenwich Hospital in CT.

After an an immediate EKG, it was deterimined that I had indeed suffered from heart failure, and I was told by more than one doctor that I was a "very, very ill man."
This is serious. This can and has been the death of far too many people.

Staying in a hospital, flat on one's back gives you reason to contemplate and to acknowledge just how fragile we are, and how fragile this thing called LIFE can be.

Sometimes those extended hospital stays are necessary, not only for one's health, but for a recharging of the soul. And so that's where I've been relocated for the last 10 ten days. I was TRYING to get well, trying to find my center, my voice, my freakin' Lin-nesss again. The good physicians and nurses have taken EXCELLENT care of me. I can breathe again.

But there's GOOD news too!

The fear I was living in has been overrriden. I don't think I will die today or tomorrow. There was a time when this seemed almost certain, at least in the quiet of my own mind.

I'm on a proper routine of meds regulated for my condition (which I didn't even KNOW I had)... and best of all I've had an operation that has given me a new lease on life! There is something extra inside my chest now. It feels like prayer but in actuality it is a machine will remain there counting my heart beats, making sure they are steady and strong.

I'm about 20 twenty pounds skinnier, and about 20 years more haunted behind the eyes, but I'm grateful.

The irony of this all is that on the same day the world said goodbye to the gifted writer/singer/activist Gil Scott Heron, was the same day that I was given another chance, a second chance at life.

That must mean something, although I haven't quite figured the grand scheme of things out yet.

I wish you all wonderful health. If there is ever something that doesn't FEEL right, please check it out! We lose people every day simply because we take far too many things for granted.

That's it. That's all. That's everything!

Happy Memorial Day!

Snatch JOY!




Lovebabz said...

I do not worry about you. God's got you....always has.

Be well in your spirit. I hold you in my best prayers ;)

Greenwich Hospital?...just up the road from should have called...I would come running with flowers and chocolates:)

And by the way...we are all at death's door. Live Strong!

Dorrie said...

omg...take care of yourself! Health is the most precious thing to have. I'm glad you are being cared for!!!

Minoa said...

I almost started this response with a "sorry to hear...." but i really dislike that auto-response we as people give to others when we hear such things.Instead i'd like to tell you to hang in there,to find the things in life that you have deemed most important and remember them.The will to live, the will to overcome is in my view the most important factor of all.I too spent the last few days re-dusting off alot of Gil Scott-Heron.For as much as i respect his message(s)and the small debt i owe him for mid-night vinyl conversations,he is the perfect example of a man who could not overcome his demons(s) and/or issues.The choice my man is now yours.Stay up,stay healthy and find the will.

Peace be with...

Teri and the cats of Curlz and Swirlz said...

Sometimes I think all of us need to get to the brink and then be able to come do the rest of our life right. I am so glad we did not lose you that day, too. My husbands death taught me a lot about living...a brush with death myself? I wonder what I would learn?

Keith said...

I wondered where you were good brother....I too was diagnosed with congestive heart failure about two years ago...I take blood pressure medication and they put a stint in one of my arteries that they say had collapsed...Glad you're still amongst the living..I could stand to lose some weight myself...I envy you that! Once again...glad that like me,you're still amongst the living..Take Care of yourself!

Reggie said...

Take care of yourself brother. We've only got this one life to live, live it to the fullest.

♥ CG ♥ said...

Liiiin! You've crossed my mind, but I didn't want to bother you thinking it was just a short break. I'm glad your body said "look, bro, something's out of whack!" to get your attention and the treatment you needed. We wish nothing but the best for you, suga. Much love!

Everlearning said...

I'm glad you're doing better... & it's true God's got you all the time!
I hear your words... Gil Scott-Heron passing made me think of growing up in the 70's...I just exposed my students at the School I teach to for the College some of Gil's music because they did not know who he was... Be strong & Blessed!

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

I was wondering where you were as well. I'm glad to hear you are doing better and know you will be stronger soon.

Your spirit is strong my friend.

Anonymous said...

Oh my brother on the Eastside! Ive been thinking about you brother!

Please continue to take care of yourself, don't make me come over there and snatch something other than joy from you!


SLC said...

I take your words very seriously. I've seen too many young black men die early because they didn't get that little checked out.

As for me;
Thirty pounds lighter
40 points off the blood pressure
Glad to be alive.

Praying for you, your heart, and that fight with Nic.


Nicole said...

OMG. I'm so sorry to hear about your health problems but so glad you're doing well.

And, to think, I was doing a blog purge and considered removing your blog since you hadn't posted in so long. Now I feel like such a douchebag. Something told me not to remove you. Glad I didn't.

My aunt had a pacemaker/defibrillator in her chest for almost 20 years and did just great.

So glad you're doing well. Welcome to your second lease on life. Make sure you cherish it.

WynnSong said...

An answer to my deep concerns is followed by the relief that you've been in God's Hands and with great doctors and well.
As you tell me....take some time for You My Friend.
You know you are and will always be in my Prayers.
Warmest Love Your Way

thegayte-keeper said...

Thanks for sharing this with us. I was worried when I came here and didn't get an update from you. I hope you get back to yourself VERY soon.

Felicia Monique said...

I've missed you... Thankful for your continued presence.

Chet said...

It saddens me to hear of your failing health. You are in my prayers always, be strong and take good care of yourself.

+SpokesmaN said...

Daddy...I suppose my email to you about fifteen minutes ago is now unecessary! Dude I love you so much...and i'm definitely praying for you. I know that Yah has His hands on you! Why is it the people I love the most are usually in other states far away from me physically but never distanced in my heart and emotions. I love you wonderful who is word, image, idea, impression, emotions, sound, breath...and all those things that leave lasting impressions in this are those things and i'm thankful you're well, and you're here. Lovin you in your fav. blue hue!

+SpokesmaN aka (Capa Don)

Anonymous said...

Glad you're okay! Take care! Stay slim and eat healthy :)